Hold On
by darkforestmood
Summary: Celia is just trying to get through the last year of high school with as little pain as possible- then she can die and her mom will finally be free of her. But when a new girl comes to town, everything takes a turn for the worst. Maybe living for one more year is an unrealistic goal. But maybe the new girl's brother could be worth living for...
1. Chapter 1

I feel Laura tug my skirt up, pulling on my button-up shirt from the back.

"Laura," I say, like a warning. The hands disappear.

"I'm just trying to get you to look nice!" She says innocently. "Your shirt was tucked in too tight. You could see your stomach too much."

The warning bell rings, and I take my books and my binder from my locker and lock it. My cross swings out from my neck a little as I turn on my heel, and then the light wood thunks back against my chest. It's a wooden cross, and it's old. It was my grandmother's, until she gave it to me. It's the reason my mother bother to send me to the Catholic school, when there's a perfectly fine public school just minutes from our house. But no, I'm up at 6:30 every morning, getting ready to drive 45 minutes to school to be there for 7:45. I have to stop and pick up Laura and Emilie, and then we stop by the coffee shop. I never have to buy the coffee—it's part of the perks of being the only one with a car.

We slip in and take our seats by the back, scooching to be perfectly perched on the stools. First period is biology, and I'm not even awake yet. I need to start drinking something stronger, I think. But it's too late for that now.

We call our bio teacher Mr. Mister. It's not his real name, but when he gets mad he always says "now listen here, mister!" even if it's a girl.

Mr. Mister flies into the room, slamming down his travel mug as the bell goes. He is just on time, and he grins wickedly at us. Mr. Mister is not very good at showing up on time, and last week someone's parent complained. Now he squeaks in every morning and assigns us twice the amount of homework.

"Alright boys," he says to a room that is 70% girls. "Hand in last night's homework. And after that, take out a pencil. We're having a pop quiz."

"I thought you didn't believe in pop quizzes," Amelia says.

"Now listen here, mister! I make the rules. I am the master of this domain…"

We all stop listening, the classroom equally filled with his voice and the sound of opening and closing binder rings and pencil cases.

A soft beep cuts off Mr. Mister's rant.

"Mr. Reece?"

"Yes?" he sings, wagging his eyebrows at us because he's actually in class to receive this message from the office.

"We have a new student here for you. Can you send someone down to come get her?"

"Sure thing Miss." Mr. Mister croons. Gag.

I bring up a stack of homework and set it on his desk.

"Amelia, go get the new kid." Mr. Mister says, and I take my seat again as Amelia pops up, grins at us, and struts out of the class. She should be back by the end of the period.

The girl never makes it to class, and Amelia misses the lesson on carbohydrates, proteins, lipids, and nucleic acids, and their function within cells. Thrilling stuff.

Two periods later I'm pulling my lunch out of my locker and listening to Laura's account of Josie's account of the new girl.

"And then, like, Josie scrunched her face up, and like, said she was super pretty but like, stuck up. Her dad is a hot piece of ass, apparently." Laura said, twirling her short brown hair. She got a bob about a month ago, and was always encouraging me to cut my hair.

"You look like one of those girls in a religious cult." She had told me as I braided my hair into two French braids. It doesn't even reach my waist, but it's thick and dark brown and gets unbearably curly if I don't tame it.

"Celia, are you listening?"

"Yes," I say, locking my locker. Emilie pops up beside me.

"Did you hear about the new girl?" Emilie asks.

"I'm just telling her!" Laura says, upset to have someone stealing her thunder. The bickering pair of them disappear into the cafeteria, and I am left to claim our usual table. Our caf is pretty small, and people tend to have their unassigned-assigned seats. I sit in front of the corner, looking out into the cafeteria as I open my massive salad. I shake the dressing container and dump it out over the spinach, chicken and goat cheese. Mm.

I look up in time to see a lone girl, lunch bag to chest, wandering through the cafeteria. The tables are all taken, and the roar of conversation begins its decrescendo. She's looking for a place to sit, perhaps alone.

I stand, hoping the wounded gazelle will catch my gaze in the sea of hungry lions. She does, and I smile and beckon her. She scuttles over, dropping down across from me.

"I'm Vanessa." she says breathlessly, pushing her long, curly red hair over a shoulder.

"I'm Celia." I say, extending a hand. She shakes it. She's gorgeous, no pores on her ivory face. She looks more like a porcelain doll than a person. And her hand is pleasantly warm, though not moist. She smiles at me, her eyes flashing over me. I realize now why people say she's stuck up. It's definitely intimidating to be under her gaze. To put it nicely, I have a jolly face and a jolly body. Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.

"You're in my first period Bio. We all knew Amelia was never going to make it back to class."

An invisible force dusts some rouge across her cheeks. "Oh. Yeah, I couldn't get her to hurry. She showed me around, which was nice, but…"

"Don't worry. Mr. Mister doesn't have a memory for that kind of thing. Oops, I mean Mr. Reece. Well, you'll know what I mean soon enough." I babble. In the meantime she scoots back into her chair and opens her lunch bag.

"This isn't a very big school." she says.

"Only about two fifty. We're a quarter of the kids in the county." I say, opening my water bottle. "You're from out of county, then? You didn't go to Redridge?"

"No." she says. "Some of my siblings go there, but I wanted to try and make some friends. They keep to themselves a lot." she says, and then glanced around like this was secret information.

"Nothing wrong with that." I say.

Over her shoulder I see Laura and Emilie making a pit stop by Josie's table. Almost the whole caf is looking at us.

"Well, everyone'll be a bit nosey at first, but it'll calm down in a week or two. My family moved here two years ago. It doesn't last."

"Where'd you move from?" she asked, and then we both launched into our boring background stories.

"I'm sorry about your parents. I heard divorce isn't a good time."

"No," I say, "but what can you do?" Not much.

Laura and Emilie finally make their appearance, apparently gaining enough courage to come face to face with the ethereal being sitting opposite me.

"OMG, Celia, introduce us!" Emilie commands, sitting her tray down beside Vanessa.

"Emilie and Laura, Vanessa. Vanessa, Emilie and Laura." I say, doing the hand motions.

"It's so nice to meet you," Laura says, laying it on thick. "And you came at a good time—only two weeks till semiformal, and the day after that is Halloween! You should totally come shopping with us this weekend."

Vanessa seems taken aback, but the pleasure of acceptance is clear on her face. "That sounds like fun. Where are we going?"

Emilie gives her the itinerary, and then looks to me. "We should have a sleepover on Friday, Cece! Then we can help you a bit with the Halloween stuff."

"Sure," I say. "Mom is in Barrie with Ryan until November 8th."

Emilie turns back to Vanessa. "Celia runs this charity decorating thing for Halloween. She decorates her front yard and people bring a couple dollars for the hospital or cans for the food bank so they can trick-or-treat there. What did you raise last year, Celia?"

"Six hundred dollars and over three hundred non-perishables." I say, blushing. "It's not really a big deal, though."

"It's also a party after ten. Food, scary movies. Then we all take a walk through the forest and have a bonfire by the lake." Laura said. "It's not like a house party, or anything. About twenty people. And you have to have a costume, for when the kids come. They're coordinated." Laura says. I eat my sandwich while they entice her.

"It sounds like fun," Vanessa says. "I'd love to come."

"Of course you're coming!" Emilie butts in. Vanessa looks at me and I nod confirmation, my mouth full of food. "You just _have_ to come to semi, too. It's the Friday, and they're having it in the ballroom of the hotel…"

I notice Laura and Emilie sitting up more than usual. Maybe it's my imagination.

The warning bell rings and we stand up. We all have English together, which isn't a surprise. Emilie and Laura each take one of Vanessa's arms, and I follow behind, shaking my head at them.

* * *

I park my car in the garage and click the button to close the door.

My woodshop sits on the opposite side of the two-car garage. It was a sorry-for-ruining-your-life gift from my mother. My car is the same thing, but from my father, before he died.

The house is silent for a second before I hear Freya running down the stairs and skidding across the floor.

"Hello hello hello!" I say, giving her pats and kisses until she calms down. Her whole goldendoodle body wiggles as she follows me to the kitchen. I put in a slice of white bread to toast and dig through the fridge for an ice tea. I was okay at school, but I was surfing the wave of depression and now I was falling off and drowning in it.

I opened the cupboard and considered taking another happy pill. _That's not how they work_ I reminded myself. Besides, if I came up short before I was supposed to, my mother would freak out. Her worst fear was that I would sell drugs or take too many of my own to get high or something. I scan the medical cabinet and jump when my toast pops up.

She should be worried about me killing myself.

I put the toast on a plate and take out the Nutella and strawberries. When my gourmet dinner is ready I walk over to the couch and sit through a couple hours of Netflix. It doesn't make things better, and around 9 I take out my homework and give that a shot. Nope.

Around 3 AM I wake up Freya with my crying. She comes and sits beside me on the couch. I put and arm over and hide my face in her curls.

My alarm goes off at 6 and I jump awake. I have so little sleep I immediately begin to cry. I cry over to my room to charge my phone. I cry in the shower. I cry as I put on a new uniform. I cry as I pack a simple lunch, take my happy pill. I cry as I get into the car. I have to stop halfway to Emilie's to put my makeup on in the car and calm down.

Laura and Emilie are happy with their new plaything. Vanessa has insisted that we call her by her nickname, 'Nessie'. It doesn't make a difference to me, but tweedle dee and tweedle dum are over the moon. I eat my bag of celery in silence as they plan our weekend. When I'll pick them up, where I'll drive them. I let them plan. Maybe it's for the best that I'm busy this weekend.

When I get home I start decorating, just for something to do. It's hard work, and to make myself feel better I weigh myself before I start. I'll weigh again at the end of the week, when I'm done most of the hard labour for the party. Today I dig tiny trenches for the gravestones and set up the solar lights. It's dark by the time I've finished, and Freya is exhausted from running around the yard. I heat up something from the freezer and numbly watch _Pretty Little Liars_. I watch the same episode over and over, because I can't pay attention.

I drag my weary body up to my room and kneel by my bed. I stopped believing in God a few years ago, but something about kneeling on the floor helps me sort out my problems.

I cry for a few minutes. I'm a baby. I just have one year left, and then I can die tragically. It has to be a fluke, a freak accident. Maybe a drunk driver, or I'm drunk on a roof at university and I slip off. Then my mother can officially marry Ryan without feeling guilty, and take care of his snotty children.

I just have to be strong, for a while. I can be strong.

Freya hops into bed with me and pushes her nose against my neck.

* * *

Friday follows like an annoying younger sibling.

The last bell rings, and within minutes we are sardine packed into my car. Emilie has claimed the music privileges. Laura is backseat driving, insisting on a trip to the grocery store before we head home. I agree, I don't care.

When we get to the grocery store I push the cart. Laura and Emilie make a few jokes about "Celia snacks" versus everyone else snacks. I'm used to this, like you get used to a headache. They drop healthy snacks into the small part of the cart, the Celia portion.

"That's not very nice." Nessie says after the nth joke. Emilie looks horrified. "We don't really mean it!" she insists. "Celia knows it's a joke, right Cece?"

I nod. This is where I'm supposed to nod.

Nessie gives a shrug. "Okay." she says, but looks back at me as Laura and Emilie compare the calories of different Doritos.

Nessie sits on my bed, her fingers in Freya's hair, Freya's head on her lap. Emilie sits at my boudoir, and I sit in front of her as she tries her hand at some sort of intricate braiding twisting extravaganza.

"There aren't any good hairdressers around." Emilie mumbles, her mouth full of bobby pins. Laura translates for Nessie, and I sit quietly, happy to have someone doing my hair. Laura opened all my bags of nail polish and was in the process of sorting through them. We are discussing what colour dresses we should get.

"I was thinking of reusing my dress from last year." I say. Laura wrinkled her nose. "Ew, no. You looked like a hippo in that. Grey is not your colour."

This was an awkward comment, as I am sitting in my favourite grey sweater and maroon leggings.

"Nessie could pull off grey." Emilie said, trying to transition. "Darker grey, but not too dark."

"Yes!' Laura agreed. "You can't wear anything too dramatic to semi, or else you'll have nowhere to go for prom."

The doorbell rings and Emilie sprays my hair with hairspray before we all race down the stairs.

"It better be the pizza. I'm starving." Laura says. She rips open the door as I grab my wallet. But it isn't the pizza delivery boy (Michael).

"Hey Seth. I thought Jake was bringing my stuff?"

Nessie squeezes through all of us. A massive man stands in the doorway. You can tell he is ripped through his shirt and jacket, but his face is sweet. And he is staring at me.

I gulp, crossing my arms and trying to push my tummy in.

"Jake was busy. Alice gave me the address."

Nessie plucks the bag from his grasp and looks between us.

"Okay, see ya at home." she says, and pretty much slams the door in his face.

"Who was that?" Emilie whispers, grabbing Nessie's arm.

"That's just Seth. One of my brothers."

"He can't be your brother!" Laura says. "He's tan, you're pale. You're fragile, he's… built."

Nessie rolls her eyes. "I'm adopted. He's adopted. All my siblings are adopted."

"And what? Your dad only adopts hot people?"

This strikes a chord with Nessie, and we stand there for an awkward second before there is another knock at the door. This time it's Michael.

Pizza smooths everything over, and Nessie is in a good mood by the time we're lounging about the living room, munching on chocolate. Laura sips her ice tea and relays the county gossip to us. Her mother is a nurse at the hospital, and I'm almost certain some of the information is classified.

"So _that's_ why Jackie and Richard broke up." she finished. Emilie begins the judgement portion of the gossip. Nessie and I weigh in very infrequently. Freya sits between us.

Laura takes it upon herself to get the ice cream. It's tradition that we eat it in mugs. She hands them out, and I'm taken aback by the lack of ice cream in my mug. There's only a spoonful in it. We make eye contact and she stares vacantly at me. I feel a bit sick.

* * *

I sneak down to the kitchen at 4 AM to have a snack and take my happy pill. I always hide it when Emilie and Laura are over—nosey is their middle names.

"Don't freak out."

I squeak and drop the pill bottle. Pills go everywhere, and in the light of my phone I see Nessie's pale face. We look at each other, equally horrified.

"Sorry," she whispers.

"I-it's fine," I say, bending down to pluck the pills from the floor. I can't miss a single one, or my mom…

Nessie bends down and starts picking them up with me. I realise I'm crying, which is super embarrassing, but she doesn't say anything. We both press our faces to the floor and scan for anything sticking up. We think we have them all.

"Thanks," I say, wiping my face off on my sleeve. We're both sitting on the tiled floor. She lifts and drops a shoulder. "You won't tell them, will you?"

"Of course not." She whispers back. I feel the overwhelming urge to hug her, but I stand up and hide the pills.

"Did you need something?" I asked her. She shakes her head. "I just don't sleep well outside of my house."

We mumble our way through a small conversation, and I end up cutting up some strawberries and bananas and we take our snack to the TV room and eat in silence, _Netflix_ on quietly.

* * *

I'm motivated by reviews (hint hint ;) ) so let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

2

Dress shopping is its own layer of hell. The lady who is assisting us is as small as my pinkie. We came in at 8AM sharp, so we have two change rooms reserved for the four of us. Emilie and Nessie took maybe fifteen minutes to find a dress. Laura clocked in at forty minutes. I, however, still haven't found one after an hour in a half.

"That's the only other sixteen I have." says the lady, who eyes my figure. I feel like sitting on the ground and crying.

"Maybe one of my sisters could pick something up." Nessie suggested. "They're shopping in Barrie today."

"You missed Barrie for us?" Laura said, stroking her dress in her lap. I stomp back into the change room and gingerly remove the orange monstrosity from me. The cross dangles from my neck and hits me in the nose as I lean down to put on my pants.

I hear them chatter outside as I get dressed. I wait for them to pay and I chauffeur everyone home. Emilie and Laura are dying to see Nessie's house, but it makes the most sense to drop her off last.

"Right here," she warns me as I nearly drive by. There's no one on the road so I reverse a little and then drive into the driveway. Driving down the driveway takes another ten minutes or so. I stop near the front. They have a circle driveway with another lane that juts around to a back parking garage.

"See ya Monday." I say, trying not to sound too glum. She gives me a small smile.

"Thanks for having me over, Celia. See ya Monday."

She closes the door and I drive back down the driveway. When I get to the main road I turn on the melancholy playlist.

* * *

I feel like the Grinch as I tear through my closet, tossing garments onto my bed.

"Freya, if I can't find something to wear then I'm not going!" I declare. Freya lays under a pile of shirts and wags her tail.

I pack everything back into my closet and sit on the ground. Maybe if I don't eat anything for a few days, I could fit into a fourteen. I could get some spanx, and go back to the snooty lady's store on Wednesday after school.

I feel miserable, and I climb into bed to cuddle with Freya. My phone buzzes—my mother posted a picture of her with Ryan's kids. She looks happy. I can't call her.

* * *

I'm starving but I take a bath, since I'm not eating until the party on Saturday. Freya sits by the door as I undress and slip into the hot water. I even dug out some bubbles for the occasion. The water feels divine, and I'm as close to at peace as I'll probably ever be.

Eventually the water begins to cool, and I sigh heavily. Freya lets out a whine in response, and now _I_ have to comfort _her_. I dry off and let her into the bathroom while I brush my hair. I look into the mirror. At least I have good skin.

I take my homework downstairs and set it on the couch before digging through the freezer for leftovers. There's some sort of vegetable soup from a month ago, and I uncover it before setting it in the microwave before remembering that I'm not eating. Fuck.

I set it back in the fridge and take my pills with water. Freya watches me as if she's confused by my actions. Twenty minutes later I've dived into homework and I barely remember my skipped meal.

* * *

I bring a large water bottle to school and spin a lie about having to work on in the library during lunch, since I have to prep for the party when I get home. Emilie and Laura are mysteriously 'busy', so I find myself labouring through every afternoon and evening to the sound of the radio and Freya's laboured breaths as she hobbles through the yard. I love autumn, and it's hard not to feel a base level of happiness as my house becomes transformed.

By the end of Monday and Tuesday night, I'm exhausted: hungry, thirsty, and sore. But Wednesday, having completed the preparations, I'm jittery to go shopping again. I can barely hold a conversation as I drop of Emilie and Laura, and then drive home to change into the knock-off spanx. About a half hour away there was another, less-stocked dress shop, and I wanted to try that first just to avoid the rude sales lady.

The stock was pitiful, with only 4 size 14s and 2 16s, but one of the 14s was forgiving. It had a small hole in one of the seams of the back and was marked down, but I wasn't worried that I could sew it up at home. I almost cried from relief as the worker, a woman easily in her 60s, rang me through. I didn't need to be the Belle of the ball, as long as I didn't look out of place.

* * *

Thursday came, and the school was eerily quiet with most of the 11 and 12th graders missing. Nessie and I were the only ones of our tentative friend group to show up, so we spent most of the day together. I mindlessly followed her to the cafeteria with only my water bottle and my phone.

"Didn't you bring a lunch?" she asked as we sat down. Frick.

"Oh, I didn't feel that great last night. I'm still not that hungry, but I'm trying to drink lots of fluids." I said, shaking my water bottle. "I don't want to be out of commission for Halloween tomorrow. You're still coming, right?"

"Of course! My sisters thought the Addams's family theme was kind of cute."

"Thanks," I said, unscrewing the cap. "It's just easy, and people can come dressed in black."

Nessie smiled. "I'm excited to see what the house will look like. What non-perishables are you looking for?"

"The food bank said they're pretty low on baby food, snack foods, and pasta sauce. But everything helps."

Nessie nodded as if she was committing the small list to memory. We broke off into silence, reading our books for English until the bell rang.

"I've got a hair appointment," she said, grabbing her lunch bag. "But I'll see you tonight?"

"For sure. See you later." I said with a smile and wave. Nessie was actually pretty nice and chill, especially without Emilie and Laura around.

* * *

It took an hour and a half for me to tame my hair into an updo, and another hour to get my makeup to cooperate. Thankfully, the process of dressing was much easier. I took my ticket from the fridge and put it in my clutch along with a bit of emergency money and my lipstick.

"Be good while I'm gone," I teased Freya, who was lying fast asleep under the kitchen table.

* * *

I drove in a pair of flats but changed into nude pumps when I got to the hotel. Emilie and Laura weren't too hard to find, but they looked shocked to see me.

"I thought you were going to wear that big gray bag? Where did this come from?" Laura asked.

"Hey, I like that dress!" I said.

"Nessie! Over here!" Emilie waved to the direction behind me and Nessie came clip-clopping out of the parking lot. "We kinda thought you were gonna bail. But that's okay, we'll just sit without Veronica or Rachel. They can join Steph's table."

Nessie caught up to us, beaming.

"You look so nice!"

"I love your hair!"

"You look like a celebrity!"

Nessie blushed as we showered her with compliments. "Let's go inside," she said, pulling me and Emilie. Laura ran after us in her precarious stilettos.

We got our picture taken together, and then with Josie and Ashley, who joined our table for dinner.

"I'm so excited for your party tomorrow," Josie said from across the table as she passed around the bread basket.

"You're in for a real treat, Nessie," Ashley promised her.

"So I've heard." She said, turning to me. I just sipped my water, a bit embarrassed.

"I heard Bridget and Caroline complaining about not getting an invite," said Josie. "I mean, that's completely unfair. You haven't had classes with them before, have you Celia?"

I had to set down my ice water, which was quickly just becoming ice. "I don't think so. Not in the last few years, at least."

Josie smirked. "Kind of rude, don't you think? If they wanted an invite, they should have made more of an effort." Then she turned to Nessie. "You get a pass because you're new."

"It's not like I make people work for it. It's just that I don't want the party to turn completely chaotic," I said. "And I don't really know that many people, so I wouldn't feel comfortable with strangers running through the forest on Halloween."

"Ooh, that reminds me I need to get a new flashlight!" Ashley said.

The conversation turns away from me and I finally relax.

Dinner is yummy, but maybe that's because it was my first meal in days. I eat everything in its entirety, even the lumpy mashed potatoes.

"Hungry much?" Laura asks, elbowing me. My eyes narrow and I feel Josie's eyes linger on us for a minute.

Dessert is served, but people are getting up to dance and the cake doesn't even look that good, I tell myself. Nessie and I walk to the dance floor together and bop around awkwardly to the music, laughing and smiling at our horrible 'dad moves'.

Nessie shouts to me that she's going to the bathroom just as Emilie and Laura join. We dance together for a while, but the primal gleam in their eyes tell me that they're hunting for a single man to dance with. The tightness in my chest has gone away slightly, only to be replaced with anxiety as Emilie and Laura start to move away from me. Not to any boys, just away… and when I move closer, they move again.

Josie and Ashley join us, too cheerful to be completely innocent. But Josie grabs my hand and we spin around and laugh, and minutes later I forget my uneasiness. I've know these girls for years now— I have no reason to be nervous.

Josie, even as she is slightly smaller than me (and a whole lot skinnier), pats my head and throws back her head to laugh. "You're one of a kind, Celia." She says before taking Ashley with her to talk to the DJ.

I feel a warm hand on my arm and I turn to Nessie. I can't quite hear her as the music is loud, and she pulls me off the dance floor.

"The back of your dress split open." She says, and I can feel the blood drain from my face. "It's not that bad, just mostly your back is showing."

I reach behind. I can feel my bra and the spanx. The hole is huge.

"Maybe some teachers have a safety pin or something," she says, but she doesn't sound hopeful.

"I think I'm just going to go. I only wanted to stay for a bit, I still have some prep I have to do for tomorrow," I lied.

She looked a little disappointed but gave me a hug and wished me a safe drive home.

* * *

When I got in the car I was already crying angry tears, picturing Emilie and Laura moving away, and Josie's laughing face. Why didn't they just _tell me_?

I drove home fuming. I should have just worn the grey dress that my friends hated and not went through all this trouble.

I parked the car in the garage and sat in the darkness for a long time. Why did I even care what they thought? Did I want them to miss me?

I leaned my head against the steering wheel and didn't wake up until 2AM.

* * *

In another few chapters there will be more Cullens and wolves, don't worry!

As always, tell me what you think! Likes/dislikes- I have a thick skin ;) but I AM motivated by reviews


	3. Chapter 3

3

I can't even talk to Emilie or Laura. I pick them up like usual, but they talk to themselves and glance at me uneasily. I sit in class and stare at the front, absorbing nothing. I sit in a bathroom stall for lunch, and then repeat my stare tactics in my last classes.

At my locker I get lots of pats on the back from people I know, excited for tonight. Chris, who I used to have a huge crush on, chats me up and tucks a piece of hair behind one of my ears and promises to be precisely on time.

My heart feels a little lighter—even though the dance sucked, the party will be great, and everyone will forget my little mishap.

Emilie, Nessie and Laura pile into the car after school. Nessie keeps the conversation alive, and I stop worrying about the dance the day before. Maybe they just didn't notice, or felt too awkward to tell me.

They all ooh and ahh as we move through the front yard. I park the car and they hop out.

"Okay, let me turn the lights on and get the candy out and _then_ we can do makeup and all that jazz. I need to order the pizza too…" I trailed off. Nessie and Emilie moved sacks of candy and chip bags to the front porch and I went to plug in the lights and flip the switches. It was a cloudy day, so it was already getting pretty dark. I turned on the 'ambient spooky noises' track and we sat on the porch and did each other's makeup before changing.

Around 5PM children began to show up. We turned the music up a little louder and lounged around the porch, trying to look spooky.

"I was looking up real ghost stories to tell," Emilie said. "Since Chris always tells the same ones."

"The lady with the ribbon? Ugh, I'm over it." Said Laura, stealing a tiny caramilk bar and popping it in her mouth.

"What's that?"

"The most boring ghost story ever." Laura said, before launching into the sparknotes version for Nessie's sake. I popped inside to grab some blankets as it began to get a little windier.

9PM rolled around eventually and Nessie helped me drag boxes full of food into my car.

"I just worry about mice getting them in the garage or something." I said. "And I'll drop this off tomorrow, anyway."

We set the can of monetary donations in the trunk, snug amongst the other boxes.

Then the teenagers started to show up. And the pizza. I ran out and paid as Emilie set up the movie, and when I came back there were at least 30 people crammed into my living room already 10 minutes deep into _Silence of the Lambs_. We had agreed on _Psycho_ this year and I frowned, but took a seat near the back.

It was like scream dominos—if one person screamed, it made others jump or scream. And then we would laugh, and it was hard to feel too scared. Especially since I was grumpy and thinking throughout the movie instead of enjoying.

Before the ending I left the group to grab the box of flashlights. I tested them in the kitchen and found the few that worked just in time for the stampede.

"C'mon ladies!" Chris called, leading the charge.

"I'm just going to let out Freya and then put her in my room," I told Laura, who nodded absentmindedly as Dennis took her arm and pulled her towards the back door.

The front yard was a deserted fake graveyard, still lit up with purple lights and little lanterns. I waited shivering for Freya to finish before I brought her to my bedroom. Since I was the host I had the luxury to shrug out of my costume and put on jeans and a thick sweater.

Naturally, all the flashlights were gone, but I didn't really need one—the path to the water was well-worn, even if it did take about ten minutes to walk. I tried to hustle, but I secretly hoped that one of the boys had taken the initiative to start the fire.

I was getting closer down the dirt path when I heard them all talking.

"I know, that was _hilarious._ It was like a sausage bursting out of its casing."

"It was sooo embarrassing to be with her." I heard Laura say. "We kept trying to move away and she kept following, like, take a hint, y'know?"

There was a smattering of laughs.

"Hey guys," Chris said excitedly. "I have a new story this year. Once there was a desperate and ugly fat girl. Once a year she would lure her classmates to her house on Halloween night,"

I could see that the fire was starting, and the wind blew the smoke towards me. I felt tears in my eyes.

"And then," said Chris. Everyone was silent. "She'd pretend like they were her friends!"

There was a roar of laughter, and I felt my heart sink.

"What do you think, Nessie?"

My breathe caught in my throat.

"I mean, she's the nice one out of all of you for sure," she said with a lot of passion. And then there was a pause. "But her body is, um, repulsive."

"Hey hey hey," said Laura. "You guys don't know how hard it is to take one for the team. If she thought she really didn't have any friends she'd probably be a real psychopath."

I felt like a psychopath. I wanted to run up to the fire and beat them all with a stick, preferably one that was one fire. It felt hard to breathe.

Two hands clamped down on my shoulders and I screamed.

"Easy there,"

I didn't recognize the voice. I could hear whispers from the fire pit and flashlight beams broke through the forest.

"Jacob, use the flashlight you idot." Said a girl in the distance. Jacob let go of my shoulder and turned on a phone, lighting up his face.

"Um, we're here for Nessie, but no one was at the house. She said something about a fire at the lake, so…"

He looked at me and I rubbed my eyes quickly and turned to find Nessie crunching her way through the leaves.

"Jake, you're early."

"It's already midnight."

"I said I'd call when it was over." She argued.

"We better go home now," said Jacob. "Tell everyone to go home. Carlisle said there was a bobcat attack in the woods about 8 kilometres away from here."

"Oh shoot." She said, which was an odd reaction. She looked at me and then looked away.

I heard the crunch of leaves and the random female approached, looked at me, and then continued on.

"Party's over kids. There's a bobcat loose around here." She said, her voice monotone. There was a chorus of awwws, and then the path was full of people moving back to the house.

"Oops," said Josie as she shone a beam of light in my face.

"Oh my god, she probably heard," Ashley whispered to her.

Generally, people didn't make eye contact with me, and I ended up trailing Jacob and the stranger girl back to my own house. No one thanked me as they got in their cars and drove off, and then I was alone. More alone than I'd ever felt.

* * *

More Cullens next chapter, I promise!

What do you guys think about the 'bobcat'? ;) leave a review!


	4. Chapter 4

4

I cleaned all day Saturday, taking down what took me weeks to put up. I brought in the donations and couldn't bring myself to smile at the ecstatic volunteers. I didn't stick around for the counts.

On Sunday I wake up from my post-cleaning nap feeling even worse than when I went to bed. My head hurts from dehydration. The room is dark, and I'm shocked when I check my phone. 5PM. Shit.

Freya is whining to go outside, so I release her. She is slower these days. The cold isn't good for her joints.

I leave the door partially open as I go to the kitchen. I take out a frozen soup and stick it in the microwave for seven minutes.

I want to take out a can of coke to spite Laura and Emilie, but I find myself getting a glass of water from the tap.

I drop the cup in the sink as I hear Freya yip from outside. The lights aren't on, so I flick them on, expecting to see her at the fringe of the forest, where it starts to get dark. But no.

"Freya!" I call. Nothing.

I slip my shoes on and call her again and again. My heartbeat picks up as I reach the forest's edge.

"Freya?"

The forest is dark, and I didn't expect to need a light so I didn't bring one. But I love Freya too much to turn around and get one.

I step through the forest, pushing branches out of my way and scanning for her.

After ten minutes, my throat sore from hollering, I find her. Her body.

I scream, and I scream harder when she doesn't move. Her eyes are open, black in the darkness. Under her neck is dark, and as I sink to my knees I sink into a pool of blood.

My screams are hoarse, and all I can do is run my hands over her, shaking her, pressing my ear to her chest to hear a heartbeat.

I feel crushed by the silence, and I scream to break it.

My breathing is ragged by the time I pull her into my arms and stumble back to the path, back to the light. It's even worse, setting her down by the garage. I'm covered in blood.

I run into the house to get some towels and my keys. The microwaves beeps to remind me to take out the soup.

I lay the towels in the back of the car and get Freya inside. The animal hospital closes at 6PM, and I barely get there in time. They're locking up when I pull in up front. Maybe it's the blood on my hands, chest and knees, or maybe it's the deranged look in my eyes, but the vet and technician rush over to me and help move Freya from the car.

I'm a mess as they lay her on the table. The vet, Tim, takes his stethoscope out for show and checks for vitals. And he checks again. He looks over the cuts on her neck.

"Must've been a bobcat." Tim says quietly. I break into new tears, unable to ask the question. But he knows. "I'm sorry, Celia."

The tech pushes me into a chair and awkwardly pats my shoulder while Tim steps out of the room. I cry and cry and cry, wiping my hands on my sweater and wiping my face into my elbow.

"I want to wash her off, before…" I said. The tech nods and continues to pat my shoulder.

"Where is she?"

I hear the strange voice but I don't connect the dots until the EMT is kneeling in front of me.

"Hi Celia, I'm David."

I look at Dr. Tim in horror. He stands in the doorway, looking away from me.

David and his EMT pal Cindy wrestle me into the back of the ambulance. I don't let them strap me down to the gurney, which is a small victory. Cindy wants to clean me off but I tell her not to touch me. She's scared of the look in my eye.

We get to the hospital and the put me in a room with a bed and a package of baby wipes and a box of tissues.

A nurse stands by the door in silence. I don't notice her for awhile, I'm just sitting on the bed shaking, after all, but when I look up I recognize Josie's mother, the gossip queen. Even worse than Laura's mom.

I want to die. Right here. Right now.

A figure strides down the hallway and brushes by her in the doorway to head straight for me. He pulls up a chair and sits in front of me.

"Hi Celia. I'm Dr. Bayliss."

I look at him and fall into some sort of trance. He's an angel, there's no way around it. He puts on his gloves and takes a wipe from beside me before gently taking one of my hands and starting to wipe it off.

"I've heard you've had quite the evening. I'm sorry to hear it." he says. I'm quiet for some time, before I say "You're Nessie's dad, right?"

It comes out as a whisper because my voice is so bad. He gives me a smile, a sad smile. "I am." he says, as Josie's mother brings him a bin to put the 'hazardous waste' into. She sets down a hospital shirt and pyjama pant for me to wear.

The blood is dried and cracked in some places. I feel disgusting, and it feels heightened by Dr. Bayliss sitting in front of me, all perfect. He scrubs the blood off my arms as if he isn't repulsed by me a bit. As if he wasn't bothered by the roundness of my tummy, my thick thighs, my round face. I feel tears leaking out of my eyes. They drip lazily off my face. I'm too tired now. The only thing that could make this better would be a cuddle with Freya.

Freya.

I let out a hiccup and the doctor makes a soothing noise. He releases my arm, looks me over, and then insists I take off my sweater. It's heavy and wet, and it smears blood on my face as I pull it off. Instinctually I reach up to wipe it off with my clean hand, which starts a whole new round of crying.

Between calming me down and wiping me off, Dr. Bayliss spends another ten minutes in my presence while the nurse hovers at the door. He promises to return with some water and a lozenge, and leaves me with her so that I'll change.

"Can't I go home?" I sob. My jeans are wet and stick to my legs as I struggle to take them off. Josie's mother, Tiffany, has to help me. She makes no move to help me clean off, thank goodness, and I am free to wipe my legs down with the baby wipes. My underwear is not dirty and I leave it on as I get into the pyjamas. Tiffany wrinkles her nose and puts my clothes straight into the garbage before retreating back to her post at the door.

I take a baby wipe and clean the wooden cross. It's not dirty, but it feels better all the same. Dr. Bayliss returns with a capless bottle of water and a wrapped Halls.

"Can I go home?" I say, taking the water from him. He sits down and places his clipboard on his lap. "Well, we have to release you to a guardian. We've already called your mother, and she should be here in the morning. You were alone when your dog was attacked?"

"I let her into the backyard." I said, scooching backwards onto the bed and crossing my legs. I didn't like the way he asked, and he seemed to realize his mistake.

"What was her name?" he asked. I picked at a string on the pillowcase. I was done with people for the night. He tried to ask me some more questions, but I didn't say a word.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, mother was doting when she came in the morning. She brought McDonald's breakfast and Starbucks coffee, something cold and slushy with lots of sugary stuff like chocolate and caramel and whipped cream. She crawled onto bed and hugged me tight, which was the best kind of hug.

I didn't realize she had more bad news for me.

"They want you to stay for a couple of days. Just to keep an eye on you."

She holds my hand as she tells me this.

"You can tell them no, though, can't you? They'll release me to you."

She is silent for a long pause, and I pull my hand away. I sit up in bed. "You know, I put up with you and Ryan and his kids, and you being gone and being ashamed of me. Can't you just do this one thing?"

My voice is low, but both of us are on the defensive as Dr. Bayliss walks in.

"Good morning, Celia. You must be Mrs. Worth." He says to my mother. She smiles awkwardly. "Actually, it's Ms. Dale."

"My apologies." he says, tucking his clipboard under an arm. I give my mother a look.

"Where do I go to sign out Celia?" she asks. He doesn't look impressed.

"Why don't you let me take you to the desk? Just hang tight, Celia."

My mother brought a bag of clothes with her before they told her their intentions to keep me, so in her absence I change into them. They're clothes from home. I pick off Freya's hairs, and sit in the chair opposite my bed.

"Okay Celia, let's go."

I hop up at the sound of my mother's voice. Dr. Bayliss is in the background, talking to someone at a desk. He is visibly annoyed. My mother takes my hand and marches me out of the hospital.

* * *

Ryan digs a grave for Freya beside my last dog, Chrysanthemum. The tech was true to her word, and Freya's neck is barely pink where she was bitten.

I sniffle and choke up, and Ryan offers to cover her up after I lower her into the hole. I take him up on it, placing Freya's favourite toys into the grave with her before Ryan helps me out of the hole.

Mother cleaned away all the blood from the kitchen door, and I see my bowl of soup sitting in the sink. I stare at it for awhile, grab my phone, and head up to my room.

Jason and Lily are playing in the hallway. They freeze when they see me and step aside, like they'll catch my mental illness through contact.

I continue on to my room and collapse into my bed. I should shower. I should answer one of the 257 text messages on my phone. But I lay in bed and drift somewhere between sleep and reality until almost supper.

* * *

I help Ryan pack Lily and Jason into the car. Mother's going to stick around for a few days, because the doctor looked so pissed about me leaving that she was worried he'd call CPS.

She ordered in Chinese and we ate in front of the TV, watching something mundane.

"Today's Monday." I said as I put down my glass of water. Mother was shocked that I'd turned down a coke.

"That's right, honey." she said, flipping between _Sex and the City_ and a documentary about World War I. She picked _Sex and the City_.

* * *

It was Wednesday night before she left, hugging me tight and kissing me forehead.

"Call me if you need me, right?" she said. This was a lie.

"I know."

She slipped into her car and drove off.

I stood in the empty driveway for a long, long time.

* * *

I had the rest of the week off, which was grand and embarrassing. I slept late and woke up late, not checking any emails for homework. I picked at the remains of the Chinese food for a long while before I started on the contents of the freezer. Going to the grocery store felt like driving over to a fate worse than death.

I took down all the medication from the cabinet a couple times, seeing what we had. Just in case the need presented itself. It might. I felt such a relief every time I put the little bottles back. It was like I won.

Saturday morning I cleaned the house from top to bottom. I even went through the Halloween decorations and put them away properly. I cried a little through it. I still hadn't checked my phone.

In the evening I was making tea for myself when I heard a car rumble down the driveway. It was a silver car, and I peeked out of the door to see what was going on, a hot mug in hand. To my shock, Nessie jumped out of the car. Her face was red and splotchy.

"Why didn't you call me back?" She said, pulling the tea from my hands and setting it on the ground. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

"What do you want to talk to me for?" I said. "I'm just the nice one, remember? You don't need to repulse anyone, do you? I'm all booked out for the next couple of weeks, I'm afraid."

"I'm sorry about that." she said, wiping tears away as she pulled away. I bent down and picked up my tea.

"Leave me alone." I said, and closed the door. She knocked immediately and tried the handle. She was pounding on the door by the time I got to the kitchen. After a few more minutes I heard the car drive away.

* * *

 **That tricky bobcat, huh?**

 **Let me know what you think! Complaints? Predictions? Let me know~**


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